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Chocolate Chips in the Cookie of Life



what does friendship insinuate to you? well, it plays a significant role to me, in my own singular way.



The blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearlessly on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort — the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person — having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

yeah. i used to get pleasure from this kinda relationship too, until its virtue was turned into vulnerability and the trust of my friendship got grassed on. Eversince, masquerade starts to pile on when the pure value of innocence is stripped off, bit by bit, with the mendacious reality brought to light, as time sneaks pass.

i started to shield myself and not to trust anyone easily. i evaluate and appraise beforehand. besides, i have a bad tendency not to blend in initially. if you want to know me, you'll have to make the first move. and i need warming up. well, unless you are really that special that i would regret not knowing you :)

It is amazing how you can surround yourself with so many people you can call friends, and yet actually only have one or two real ones. i would prefer a very small group of friends whom i can call them one of my best peeps. somebody to be really close and cool. and someone whom i can call up at 4am.

What do you seek in a friend?
someone who brings out the best in you?
someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else?
someone who knows all about you, and still likes you?
someone who have seen you change; they've let you change?
someone who who overlooks your failures and tolerates your success?
someone who knows the song in my heart and sings it to me when my memory fails?
someone who knows your weaknesses but shows you your strengths; feels your fears but fortifies your faith; sees your anxieties but frees your spirit; recognizes your disabilities but emphasizes your possibilities?

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.

For me, the important thing is someone who sits next to you without talking, and still makes you feel comfortable. i believe both true friendship and love come when the silence between two people is comfortable.

Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.

All in all, I want friends who are kind of like me, who go with the flow and like to have fun. Better, friends who are knowledgeable, someone whom i could learn things from, not only an one-way rapport. someone who don't mind me sharing what i know with an open heart. someone who don't mind listening me grudging. someone who knows well when to say something and when to shut up. And it's grateful to know that i do have such friend encircling me now :)

what is more? the most essential thing in friendship is to trust and be trustworthy. Someone whom I may be sincere and before him, I may think aloud. well, i would know that when one day i no longer protect myself by a fence, but rather by my friends.


I'll lean on you and you lean on me and we'll be okay.
Nsxon x

Her Morning Elegance


a compilation of 3225 still photos
Nsxon x

Better off as Friend

It's strenuous to catch up with things that gyrate around you, incessantly. it kills. and you know what? The heart is not so raw when it sees from somewhere not so close and exhaustive. sorry. it's better off a void stuck between. it's better off we carry on as friend.

it doesn't mean i don't care for you anymore. but less agonizing. more flattering. cherish with a new born feather wings and hum "even if the sun refused to shine, even if romance ran out of rhyme. you would still have my heart until the end of time..."

Love is giving somebody the power to destroy you but trusting them not to. it's not that i do not trust you. but how could i trust you when i couldn't even trust myself? you never let me go deeper and i never rip down my mask. it just doesn't work this way...

still... could you be trusted?
Nsxon x

Rain. Gloomy. Blue

I have dehydration and i am deprived of ecstasy. happy -  such simple word yet so difficult to grasp. Perhaps it's my untouched work. perhaps my idle mind. perhaps my guilt and discontent. perhaps the rain...

I came back here to Subang alone for certain reason despite having a two-week break, which is also the only breather i have this year. (this is what you get when you are taking A-level.) A week has passed and i am not really getting any pleasure outta it. How could you, with cargoes of work and assignment tagged along and asinine thoughts bothering your mind? When i am already on the go, i don't feel like putting my feet up 'cause it will make you shattered. unless i am truly worn out. but normally you would not know how whacked you are until you take a breather.

It's been raining erratically since my arrival and the sky is murky and muddy whole day. An excellent spell to sneak under your duvet and snooze the day away. which also soars my guilt for not doing my work and revision. my day felt so malcontent. Usually, a day like this would be superb but not with a bothered mind. it worsen. rain. gloomy. blue.

With such nippy weather, i have been shutting myself in the room without going out nor meeting anyone but hibernating, which makes me an official Dork. i think i slept 18 hours today. right. satisfying yet guilty, felt wasted. i don't care.

Spotted. "只想把你藏起来, 不让你恋上别人" on Hans' personal message. thoughtful. lazy to translate it into english so Joanne could you please translate it for Marlon? lol. Almost strike 12 and it's cool and nonchalant outside, tempted to chill in the park, have a stroll and do something bad... off to go.


non-smokers... die every day. Sleep Tight!
Nsxon x

These are their stories


and mine.
Dedicated to the friends who are under the weather and you, you, you, you, you who could hit it off.
unearth your own story...




1.
Life is a journey,
not a destination,
there are no mistakes,
just chances we have taken
Lay down your regrets 'cause all we have is now.



2.
Love does not fail for you when you are rejected or betrayed or apparently not loved. 
Love fails for you when you reject, betray, and do not love.



3.
Sometimes in my tears i drown
but i never let it get me down
So when negativity surrounds
i know someday it'll turn around


you  need to swim on shore yourself


4.
Do you want me to tell you something really subversive?
Love is everything it's cracked up to be. 
That's why people are so cynical about it. . . . 
It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. 
And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more.



5.
Hey, what others think of us would be of little moment did it not, when known, so deeply tinge what we think of ourselves. Other people’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality. be it your family, your peers or your classmate who are trying to tear down your self-esteem. Don't let them be! Every time you suppress some part of yourself or allow others to play you small, you are in essence ignoring the owner's manual your creator gave you and destroying your design.


6.
Life is a challenge not a competition
you can still smell the roses and be on a mission
Just take a moment to get in touch with your heart
Sometimes you feel like you have got something to prove
remind yourself that theres only one you
Just take a moment to give thanks of who you are.



7.
It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not.


8.
you thought you have forgotten
you thought you have let it go
yet, there's something about her emerges out of nowhere
be it a photograph or a facebook status
and the suppressed sentiment hidden inside your deep heart's core
swells up through your every veins and hit you in the brain
Dang! she's always hidden there somewhere...


9.
Stand tall on your ground. there's always somebody who tries to tear you down. make you feel bad about yourself. make you feel trivial. make you feel you are never good enough. The truth is, that somebody is nobody. Tell him to fuck off 'cause you live your own life. and no one deserves no one. you don't ask if they deserve you, but whether you deserve them!


10.
you can make it through the rain
you can stand up once again, on your own
and you know you are strong enough to mend
and everytime you feel afraid, you hold tighter to your faith
and you live one more day
and you make it through the RAIN


11.
"Doubt fucks everything. Take a foundation, no matter how strong, sprinkle generously with doubt, and watch it crumble. Me? I'm unfuckwithable. Not this knee, not bad weather, and certainly not the many men that wish bad intentions on me can stop me."


12.
It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, 
but what is the most painful is to love someone 
and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel.




stories strike twelve and Adios
Nsxon x

You Got The Feeling to go Boom Boom Pow?



Who's going to partaaaay with Black Eyed Peas on Arthur's Day next Friday at Sunway Lagoon Surf Beach? if you are, here's what you have to prepare...





Now you call yourself a big fan of Black Eyed Peas?


later gator.
Nsxon x
 
Boonono - Not Your Average Banana |